Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Do I know you?

Do I know them?
Most of the time I could tell you their names.
Most of the time.

I should know this place.
I've been here before.
It looks the same.
It feels different.

Do I know them?
I think I remember them as friends.
I think I remember.

I should know these smiles.
I've seen them before.
They look the same.
It feels different.

Do I know them?
There were threads connecting us.
There were threads.

I should know this love.
I've felt it before.
It looks the same.
It doesn't feel at all.

Do I know you?
Didn't you bring me here?
Didn't you?

I should know.
I should know.

Popped a breaker again, and am feeling weirdly disconnected from the world. I know people, and have memories of fond feelings for them, but the feelings themselves are gone. It's not the apathy of depression (I know that well). It's more like what I've heard of prosopagnosia, except that I do recognise the people to whom I no longer feel connected. This crap is getting too weird, and the world too scary to cope with.


Karen said...

Hang in there, Stan. You have people who care about you, whether you feel connected to them or not (it occurs to me that this also describes stalkers, but I'm not saying you have stalkers. Or maybe you do, and if so, that's a whole other issue.)

I hope the breaker gets reset.

Charles Robinson said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. The cruelest affliction is the one that interferes with a caring person's compassion, stifles an intellectual's ability to form coherent thought, and causes so much frustration for someone with such a gentle soul.

I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that there are a lot of people out here who you have never met but who feel connected to you. As frustrating and scary as it may be for you, we don't mind if you don't recognize us. We all feel enriched for having shared your gifts.

Please don't give up or lose hope. And thank you for sharing your story so beautifully.

Mauro said...

Dear Stan,
I cant speak/read English well, but I realized you are in pain.

I would like to have some kind words to say to you, but I have not. I dont know what I could say, but you are a VIP to us, those who follow your lectures at Lotus Notes forum, the one us way for most of to keep in touch with you.

You make the world better.

Ciby said...

How are you doing Stan?
Haven't heard from you for long time

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